“How on earth do you find the time to write a blog every week? And why would you do that?”
I was asked on a broadcast recently.
It’s a question I get asked often.
So, I thought it might be a good time to share my answers.
Then ask a favor of you to help me better serve you and others.
Would you take a quick survey to see if I’m serving the purpose I strive to achieve?
It would help me sharpen my focus to serve you with all my best efforts fine-tuned (Survey link at bottom).
For 7 years and 7 months, I’ve released a weekly blog.
I was writing them before then, but mostly just sending them to my clients.
The interviewer had done their research and stated on the broadcast …
“You’ve been doing this for over 7 years …”
In my mind, I wasn’t sure it had been that long. So, I had to check my website to see if it was accurate or not.
That’s how I know about the 7 months on top of 7 years.
My immediate response on the broadcast was:
“It’s part of my purpose … to help as many people as possible heal from their trauma, their disappointments, their mistakes. So that they can discover and live their own purpose!”
I’ve been doing a workshop called “The Power of Purpose” for many years.
Knowing … Everyone has a purpose.
But not everyone knows that it’s possible to find or even have one.
And even those who do are often not aware of their own purpose.
There’s no fulfillment in life without knowing and living our purpose.
So, I help them decipher their running inner dialogue.
We all have them.
One stream of self-talk represents the old.
The other stream … is a distant but constant whisper.
That’s calling you to a future and a hope for you.
That feels and sounds uncertain.
My purpose is to help you overcome the fear you face… in order to embrace this new dialogue. Which opens very door … to every truth … for every next step.
“A great purposelessness has descended upon modern civilizations. People at large have lost any sense of the meaning and purpose of life; and without an understanding of our own purpose, there can be no true commitment. Whether that commitment is to marriage, family, study, work, God, relationships, or the simple resolutions of our lives, it will be almost impossible to fulfill without a clear and practical understanding of our purpose. Commitment and purpose go hand in hand.”
Not only are my blogs part of living my purpose, but they’re also my contribution to helping others find and live theirs!
I think you’ll find that one answer as the theme to my top 3 reasons for writing my blogs.
Although I didn’t have these 3 things clearly outlined in my mind on the broadcast, it began a reflective exercise internally.
I wanted to share those reasons with you in my blog this week and ask if you’d be willing to take a one-minute survey to help me determine whether or not I’m accomplishing my purpose. (Link at end of blog).
Reason 1: To serve and provide solid information and helpful steps for those who cannot afford coaching or counseling.
I remember when I was in my first year of college, becoming acutely aware that I needed help.
I was working the overnight shift at a fast-food restaurant, attending classes in the mornings and early afternoon, studying awhile before sleeping before my next shift.
I barely made enough money to pay rent and tuition. We got to eat one free meal daily at the place I worked, so that took care of my food. But there was certainly no money for counseling.
And I had never heard of coaching.
I was ridden with fear (more like terror), which had been the case from my first memory of life.
I knew I struggled internally with deep sadness (more like severe depression).
And I did everything I knew to do to look and act “normal” (but felt fairly sure that was way above anything possible for me).
No wonder I was committed to the counseling field.
Research done out of the Universities of Minnesota and of Oslo (Rønnestad, M. H., & Skovholt, T. M., Journal of Career Development) found that 50-70% of those entering the field did so seeking for their own healing, growth, and development.
I was one of those.
However, my desire wasn’t totally selfish.
I did want answers for myself.
But more than anything … I didn’t want anyone else to struggle the way I had.
That research began the use of a phrase called: “the wounded healer.”
At first, I thought that was unfair.
But now I’m fine when being labeled “a wounded healer.”
If my wounds help others heal … mission accomplished!
I’d never heard the word “trauma”.
And certainly, had no clue that some of the things I’d experienced were indeed traumatic. Very traumatic.
Because I had no resources for a “luxury” such as counseling,
I read and studied my course work voraciously.
I read everything I could find.
Articles, research, books, professional journals.
I went to every workshop or seminar any church offered.
(Those were usually free).
I learned so many helpful things.
But as I poured over my notes for years … one thing was missing …
WHAT DO I DO TO HEAL THESE THINGS?
Nothing changes if nothing changes … right?
Most of them had opportunities for counseling or more intense workshops.
But there were no funds available for me to do them.
I remember even during the long drives to and from graduate school thinking … (and promising God) … when I get this all figured out …
-I’m going to write articles or books telling people how to heal.
-I’m going to give them steps they can follow.
-I’m going to make it as clear as I possibly can.
-I can’t see the world for free … but I can provide them all they need to make it happen!
Little did I know that there would be a “thing” called “blogs.”
And I never dreamed I’d have a website
(I thought that was one of those things reserved for the rich and famous)!
I’m so grateful for the Internet and the opportunity it gives us to share valuable, healing information!
If you/me/we WANT to heal and don’t … we are out of excuses for why we don’t.
We have at our fingertips ALL the resources we’ll ever need to find it! (Although coaching and/or counseling often makes the journey quicker and smoother).
Reason 2: My desire/My call to reach those who won’t seek help.
There are those who simply will not seek help.
For some reason they’d rather stay committed to the same ole / same ole even if it’s never worked.
Research reveals that the most common reasons for this are:
· Financial constraints (I addressed in point #1)
· The stigma associated with getting help (in 2022, a research project revealed that 47% of people who knew they needed help avoided it because of the stigma of being weak or fear of being judged)
· Lack of awareness of their need for help (due to their lack of understanding of the impact of their behaviors on others)
· Fear of exposure
Regardless of the reasons, I wanted to reach those that would never show up in my office. (Or the office of any other helping professional).
I would guess that deep down, I was unconsciously motivated by wanting to reach my dad.
There was not a snowball’s chance in hell that he would’ve ever sought counseling.
But I knew he needed help.
I knew he was a tormented man (even though it took me years to realize how that impacted me).
Long after he’d begun a 16-year journey down the road called Alzheimer’s, and had passed away … I wrote to people just like him.
Hoping they’d read what I wrote … and get enough guidance to have a better life.
And certainly, a better impact on others.
(By the way, my dad had a miraculous faith-conversion experience just a few years before that journey down the road towards Alzheimer’s … And told me how proud he was of me for my career … and said tearfully, “I know you probably wouldn’t want to help an old man like me, but I probably need it.” It was a healing moment for both of us. I hugged him and told him I was so proud to see the dad I always knew was in there come alive over the past several years. He breathed his last breath with my mom on one side of him, and me on the other … after giving us both a big hug. As the husband she had always dreamed of, and the dad I had always dreamed of!)
I still write to people just like him.
And to people just like me and my mother who lived with him.
I often recommend in my blogs that people graciously give those they love my blogs (never in a shameful way).
And I do know that in many cases it reaches them.
I know it reaches some because of emails from their loved ones.
I know from others … because they show up in my office.
Both of us amazed that they came!
When I shared this on the broadcast, my friend (an amazing interviewer) asked me: “Why do you think what you write reaches them?”
After a brief pause, I assured her: “Because I write about their situations with respect, never with shame. With understanding, never with judgment. With hope, never with condemnation.”
In the broadcast, I choked up. And so did she. As we both gathered ourselves, she shared with me how hard it is to do that. I agreed.
She asked me how and why I did that.
I responded: “Because it’s the only hope of reaching many of them. And isn’t that what grace is all about?”
So … that, my friend, is why some say I’m “too easy” on them.
But it’s the only way I can live my mission and purpose of “leaving no one behind.”
Reason 3: To keep myself hungry and humble.
In this season, there’s lots of attention on the Hoosiers.
They have an amazing football team and story.
Their coach, Curt Cignetti, in a recent interview said some profound things.
When speaking of “being on top” he said: “I know how quickly things can change. You’re on top of a mountain one day and at the bottom the next. I’m not naïve. I/we must stay humble and hungry.”
I heard that and I KNEW exactly what he meant.
I’m not coaching a sports team.
But I do Coach AMAZING humans … and AMAZING coaches.
If I don’t remain updated on the latest research and the latest proven healing techniques and strategies … I could be at the bottom of the mountain.
Irrelevant.
And without purpose.
I know I must stay humble.
Never thinking I “know enough.”
Never thinking I’ve “grown enough.”
Always open to change in the pursuit of balance and abundance.
Never thinking I’m more than a human desiring to make a difference … and doing whatever it takes to do just that.
Writing this weekly blog keeps me stay aware and on top of that.
I must stay hungry.
-Hungry to learn more.
-Hungry to become more.
-Hungry to impact more people in a positive way.
-Hungry to help more people find and live their purpose.
Writing this blog weekly keeps me truly hungry.
For those of you who read these, I am truly grateful!
You help me fulfill my purpose.
*****
People also ask me how long I will write this blog?
I always chuckle, and remember when a newscaster (who came to our home annually to film my Mother’s Winter Wonderland for the local news) asked my mother how many more years she would do it?
She would always laugh, and respond with an ear-to-ear smile: “Who knows? This may be my Grand Finale.” She gave the same response year after year … until it was the “Grand Finale.” Which was far too soon for those of us who loved her!
(See her Winter Wonderland and that response by clicking here: https://bit.ly/SissiesWinterWonderland)
My response to the question of how long I will write this blog weekly … “Who knows? This may be my Grand Finale!”
Until it is …
However, if I find this blog is helpful … it’ll continue.
Will you help me know if it’s fulfilling my mission and purpose, would you do me the favor of completing this one-minute survey? https://www.smartsurvey.com/t/DrNeecie/
I’d be so grateful!
I’ve found that we find our purpose in life, when we desire to give away our life. That’s the “why” behind my blogs!
Let’s do this!
TOGETHER!