What Are You Taking to the Grave?
“You’ll think I’m crazy when I tell you this … but please hear me out. I have plenty of money to retire on. We’ve been living in our ‘forever home’ that my wife designed for almost seven years. We’ve got a beach condo and a mountain cabin. Our kids have all set sail, and they’re doing great. So proud of them! But I’m just not satisfied.”
I took it all in. Actually, I understood with just that much. But I could see he wasn’t finished.
“Satisfied isn’t the right word …” he said, gazing off.
I waited a moment and then suggested quietly: “Fulfilled?”
“YES! That’s it!”
There it was. Like so many people I’ve been privileged to work with over the years, he wanted MORE.
But not another vacation home.
Not more money.
Not more accolades.
Not more “stuff.”
I asked him: “What do you want more of that you believe would lead to fulfillment?”
He gasped as if I had gut-punched him.
“Holy Toledo! I haven’t even spent 10 minutes in here and you’re already going for the jugular!” The grin on his face told me he was ready.
“Well … deeper connection with my wife. With my kids and their families. More of a sense that I’ve made a difference beyond what donations can provide. And more of a sense that I’m leaving the gifts I have behind when it’s my time.”
Then he threw both hands toward me like giant stop signs.
“Don’t lock me up! I’m not planning to die anytime soon!”
We both laughed.
And off to the races we went … doing the work I LOVE doing.
(From my AA friend. “24 hours at a time. That’s the mantra of the recovery community. Fulfillment is found by doing the right things a day at a time. That’s how you fill a longing.”)
Because the truth is, none of us wants to leave this earth with our song still inside us.
Maybe fulfillment isn’t found in getting more. Maybe it’s found in pouring out more of what’s already in us.
Allowing the pressures of life we survived, to rise within us. And allowing it to direct what we create. All with the attitude of trying to serve … not trying prove anything.
There’s an old idea that the graveyard holds an unimaginable amount of unrealized potential … dreams never pursued, ideas never acted upon, gifts never shared, songs never sung.
My client had already made his decision.
He was determined to take NOTHING but fulfillment … to the graveyard when his time came.
And THAT is the kind of person I’m committed to working with.
“People think I’m nuts,” he told me. “I ‘have it all’ … a gorgeous and devoted wife, great kids, a golden parachute. But I want to create a legacy. Not my name in neon. I don’t care if anyone knows or remembers where it came from.”
He paused. “But I will know I poured it all out.”
There it was. PURE GOLD.
I shared 3 things with him that I thought might also be helpful to you … if, like him, there’s something in you longing for MORE.
More connection.
More meaning.
More fulfillment.
More opportunity to make a difference in your part of the world.
I told him we were going to begin by visiting Neverland. Not Peter Pan’s Neverland exactly. But three NEVERs I believe we must adopt if we intend to pour it all out:
Never doubt what’s in you.
Never allow those who don’t understand to alter your journey.
Never silence the song. Sing it loud and proud!
He laughed. “So, I’m ready for Neverland!”
So off we went.
1. Never doubt what’s in you.
“Here you go again,” he said. “Reading my mind. I don’t doubt my gifts. I don’t doubt my business abilities or the wisdom I’ve learned through the years. But I do ask myself whether any of it would really be valuable to someone else.”
I nodded.
“That, my friend, is PURE GOLD.” Because sometimes we don’t doubt that we possess the gift. We doubt its value.
Longings always begin with seeing a need … always! I know that’s an overused truth, but it’s really that complex … and that simple.
We wonder:
Who needs what I know?
Would what I’ve learned really matter to anyone else?
What could I possibly offer?
Before you can pour out what is in you … you must first recognize its value.
Don’t think about “how big is it” … think about its value.
Look at your gifts.
Look at the lessons that life has taught you.
Look at what you’ve overcome.
Look at the wisdom you paid dearly to acquire.
Look at what comes naturally to you that someone else desperately wishes they knew how to do.
Experience finds relationships through the humility of sharing
our story,
our gifts,
our songs.
Begin there.
When we build others we find our place.
You don’t have to know exactly where it will lead.
But you must stop dismissing what has been placed inside you.
Because what feels ordinary to you may be extraordinary to someone who needs it.
2. Never allow those who don’t understand to alter your journey.
“Now it sounds to me like you believe in miracles,” he said. “Everyone around me just wants me to rest on my laurels. I hear things like:
‘Nothing is ever enough for you.’
‘Why can’t you just relax and enjoy a simple life?’
‘Maybe your time to do great things is over.’
‘Maybe if you were more grateful, things would just come to you.’
“And what if they’re right?”
Once again, we had struck gold. Because when something begins stirring inside you, not everyone will understand it.
That doesn’t make them bad people. And it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t believe in you. Sometimes the people who love us simply cannot see what we see yet.
For those who matter to you…communicate well. Help them understand what’s going on down deep inside you. Explain that wanting MORE does not mean you’re ungrateful for what you already have.
Sometimes it means you’re grateful enough to ask:
What am I supposed to DO with all that I’ve been given?
And then find the people who do understand.
People who believe.
People who challenge you.
People who call something greater out of you.
Spend time with them.
There’s tremendous power in proximity.
3. Never silence the song. Sing it loud and proud!
“I don’t have much of a singing voice,” he warned me. “My daughter told me in church last week, ‘Dad, maybe you should make your joyful noise in the shower!’ She was just playing with me…but she’s right.”
I laughed. “I know you know I’m not literally talking about singing. Some people prefer to think of it as a light. Did you ever sing that little song in church as a kid about letting your light shine?”
He immediately jumped in. “Hide it under a bushel … NO! I’m gonna let it shine!” We both enjoyed the moment. But he got it.
The song in you isn’t necessarily music.
It’s that something that’s inside you that longs to be poured out.
An idea.
A gift.
Wisdom.
Compassion.
Leadership.
Creativity.
A message.
An ability to help someone else cross over something you’ve already traversed.
Whatever it is—
Don’t silence it.
And don’t allow anyone else to quench it either.
You know, you have to do this.
You know, you have to try.
Don’t negotiate anymore.
Do!
Because none of us knows how long we have here. And I can think of few things sadder than reaching the end of a life filled with gifts…and realizing we kept the greatest ones safely tucked inside.
*****
Maybe Wanting MORE Isn’t the Problem
My client has a beautiful life.
He knows that.
He’s grateful for it.
And he still wants MORE.
Those things are not mutually exclusive.
Maybe your life is good too.
Maybe you’ve accomplished things you’re proud of.
Maybe you love your family and they love you.
Maybe you’re grateful—deeply grateful.
And maybe there’s still something inside you saying: There has to be MORE.
Not more stuff.
Not more accolades.
Not another mountain to climb just so you can say you climbed it.
More connection.
More meaning.
More fulfillment.
More opportunity to pour out what’s in you.
If that’s you, please don’t apologize for the longing. Listen to it.
Because perhaps the question isn’t: “Why isn’t what I have enough?”
Perhaps the better question is: “What’s still in me that I was created to give?”
Before my client left, I told him: “These are prerequisites to crossing the bridge I’ve been telling people I’m building.”
Because that bridge isn’t about getting you somewhere you never belonged. It’s about helping you come alive to more of the life you were created for.
He looked at me and grinned. “I’ve been reading about that bridge. When are you cutting the ribbon?” Another fun moment!
Then he added: “I’ll be the FIRST in line!”
I don’t know whether or not you’ll beat him to the front of the line.
But I wonder if something in you recognizes something in him.
And if it does… Stay close.
Because I’m almost ready to cut that ribbon.
You can’t commit to a longing without surrendered trust to the doing.
With Love & “MORE-Than-Ever Hugs,
Dr. Neecie