“It’s like that last step is where the magic starts. And I’d never heard of it before. I have a master’s degree in social work. How did I miss it?!” my new client asked.
I encouraged her, “I doubt that you missed it! More likely that you never heard of it. I have 5 earned degrees in the field and I had never heard of it either!”
She responded with quick enthusiasm, “All that matters is that I’m in it now, and I can’t wait to start my Trauma Coaching Certification course!”
(Before we talk more about the 7th step … think with me.
Every champion at anything …
exercises vivid visualization to mentally secure
their play-by-play move.
When we visit and visualize our trauma …
And visualize restoration …
we too learn the steps to victory.
To becoming the champion we once were again!)
There’s a 7th step in trauma healing…
And most people never take it.
Not because they don’t care.
Not because they aren’t trying everything they know to do to heal.
But because they’ve never even heard about it.
Much less experienced it in action.
Most healing programs—
therapy,
coaching,
workshops …
are focused on one thing: Healing.
Rightfully so.
That’s what they’re all about.
That’s exactly what I did for years … in my inpatient treatment center, in my outpatient treatment center, in my private practice, in my workshops.
And while healing is necessary, it’s not a destination.
And because there’s no commonly known or practiced way to transition from that … to a life that brings even more healing … people stay stuck.
Not in trauma … but in what I call the endless healing loop.
Another layer.
One more trigger.
Something more to work through.
It’s not a “bad thing” to keep healing.
But there comes a time when you are ready to feel alive again.
To feel fulfilled again. (Or maybe for the first time).
A shift to a new place of thriving.
To a life of purpose.
The first 6 steps of trauma healing are powerful.
(And I’ve outlined those in the last two weeks.)
But without the 7th step, we stay locked in the loop. Healing isn’t the end goal.
Let me share something that might surprise you. Not all healing comes from effort and hard work.
After doing intentional healing work, something beautiful often happens. For lack of better words, a “wash of healing” comes over you.
A profound peaceful feeling you didn’t have to fight for.
A fantastic sense of freedom you didn’t have to force.
I call it grace.
But even with that, there comes a point where more healing doesn’t move you forward in your life.
In fact, at some point, more healing can keep you stuck.
Research on trauma recovery often suggests healing can take years … and for many people, it does.
But what that research doesn’t always account for is this:
Healing was never meant to stay inward.
Locked deep within.
We have this sense that we must protect or we’ll lose it … And if we lose it … we would surely perish.
Here’s why we must end the protection and keeping it inward. Inward healing, without outward expression, eventually hits a plateau.
Just like weight loss.
Did you know that’s when most people “quit” their diet or eating plan and return to old habits?
You are at the same risk with your trauma healing.
But only if you stay stuck on the plateau.
People don’t get stuck because they’re broken. But because they’re ready for the next step, and no idea another step even exists, much less what it is!
Even when they do find their way to me or one of my trained coaches,
it’s not uncommon to see something you might not expect: People are afraid to leave the healing loop.
They had to work so hard for their healing, they think they might lose what they’ve gained.
I hear things like: “If I stop focusing on healing… will I fall backwards?
Or lose it?”
It’s a valid fear.
But it’s not what happens when we take the 7th step.
Actually, something almost miraculous occurs:
The exit doesn’t erase your healing!
It preserves it.
Strengthens it.
And multiplies it.
But only if you take the step.
So, let’s look at the exit step … the 7th step.
(From my friend in AA. “Sponsoring others in the program, deepens my truth about me and in me and that’s the whole point. When I share truth with others, the truth I need to change, finds me and keeps from the “poor me” mentality. Nobody likes to be around someone driven by self-pity and the only way to escape that and not be that … is to give yourself away!?”)
1. What Is the Exit?
To understand the 7th step … you must understand something
fundamental about being human.
We all have core needs.
The first 4 are survival needs:
· Safety (security)
· Significance (importance)
· Surprise (variety, adventure)
· Support (love and connection)
We must have these needs met to simply survive.
And when we’re stuck in a cycle of desperately trying to meet or get these needs met (especially after trauma) we stay in survival mode.
Living to survive.
There’s something so wrong about that!
Even if we’re doing “healing work” we’re usually spending our time and energy on survival.
I remember telling my therapist, Dr. John Bradshaw, when I was in that stage of healing …
“I know I’ve gotten better because the part of me that’s above the water of this huge ocean of trauma looks good … but I feel like my legs have been chewed off by sharks, and I’m not sure I can keep myself afloat much longer.”
Sounds dramatic … but if you’re in that stage, you’ll understand exactly what I meant.
But that’s not meant to be the end of the story.
We have 3 more needs … fulfilling these are what move us from surviving … to thriving:
These needs are:
· Self-improvement (growth)
· Spiritual growth (meaning, making a difference)
· Sharing (contribution)
Most people in trauma healing (at some point) begin to experience the first of these … self-improvement and growth.
At this point, we feel better.
Stronger.
More aware.
We get glimpses of thriving.
But to fully step into thriving…
The other 2 needs must be met:
· Making a difference (spiritual growth)
· Sharing what you’ve gained (sharing, contribution).
That’s the exit!
That’s the 7th step.
Giving your healing away.
Research in psychology consistently shows that contribution is one of the strongest predictors of long-term fulfillment and life satisfaction.
Not achievement.
Not comfort.
Contribution.
When we begin to see the healing needs of others,
and humbly share our journeys …
the change that’s becoming us …
becomes us and moves us forward powerfully.
Because when you begin to impact others, your identity shifts.
And looking outward creates a new way of life.
You’re no longer just someone who’s healing.
You become someone who is helping others heal.
And that changes everything.
“Whoever wants to save their lives will lose it. But whoever gives their life will find it.” Jesus
2. What Does the 7th Step Look Like?
(From my AA friend. “I wish I could say I’m different, but truth be known, I struggle to show up, take a seat, and listen for similarities too! Humility is the only way anyone can see what needs to be changed. And the best way to seal the deal to a thriving and anchored life, is to help someone else see that path! Humility begats humility.”)
This is where we too often overcomplicate things.
“Giving your healing away” doesn’t require a stage.
Or people in an audience. It’s about how you live. How you show up.
Yes, your very presence makes a difference!
Practically, here’s what it could look like: Helping a mom in the rain load groceries into her car while she’s juggling a baby and an umbrella.
Listening to someone compassionately, without trying to fix them.
Sharing your story in a way that gives someone else hope.
Choosing patience where you once reacted.
Choosing compassion where you once shut down.
Pausing before doing or saying anything.
This is daily-lived contribution.
And it matters more than you think.
Research shows that even small acts of kindness activate the brain’s reward system … releasing dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins.
These are the same chemicals associated with:
· emotional regulation
· connection
· safety
· well-being
Institutions like the Cleveland Clinic have highlighted how generosity with what we have (and healing counts) directly impacts mental and emotional health.
In other words, when you give, your brain reinforces healing.
But for some of you … this goes even deeper.
You don’t just want to help in small ways.
You feel called to guide others.
To walk people through what you’ve walked through.
To help them find freedom faster.
And when that calling is paired with the right training,
it becomes powerful.
Transformational.
Unstoppable.
Some of the most fulfilled people I’ve worked with are those who’ve taken their healing and turned it into helping others … whether in their current careers, volunteer work, or as certified trauma coaches.
3. How Does It Work?
“One gives freely yet they grow all the richer.
Another withholds what they should give
and only suffer want.
Whoever brings blessing will be enriched.
And one who waters will themselves be watered.”
An Ancient Proverb from King Solomon
It works on a principle as old as time.You reap what you sow.
Plant a seed, and you don’t just get one seed back.
You get multiplication.
A harvest.
That’s how healing works when it’s shared.
You don’t lose it.
You expand it.
When you find the exit ramp to fulness of life.
Even recovery models have recognized this.
In programs like Alcoholics Anonymous, the final step emphasizes helping others (as a way) to maintain your own sobriety (your healing).
Why?
Because healing that flows outward remains alive.
And multiplies exponentially.
Healing that’s kept inward eventually stagnates.
I’ve seen this over and over.
It’s so heartbreaking.
Usually, they come to me as a “last resort.” And I’m always grateful. Because I know how to get them out of that strange phenomenon that I often call “healing misery.”
We find the end by becoming someone’s beginning.
Those with the most powerful and lasting transformation are always those who step into contribution.
Those who say: “What I’ve been through will not end me … and the healing I’ve been through won’t end in me …” are “my people, my tribe!”
I so admire the many, who I’ve trained, for whom that becomes a calling.
Some integrate it into their existing work.
Some step into volunteer roles.
And some step fully into a new path of becoming a certified trauma-informed coach. A rich career in making a difference!
And when they do?
They don’t just find healing.
They find fulfillment.
A level of meaning and impact they never imagined possible.
If you feel that pull…
If something in you is saying as you reading this:
“I think I’m meant to do more with my healing…”
You’re not imagining it.
There’s a path for that.
I built my life around sharing it!
And I would love to show you what it looks like to turn your healing into real, guided transformation for others.
If this is the step you’ve been missing…
If something in you is finally making sense…
Then this may be exactly what you’ve been looking for:
https://bit.ly/CoachTrainingCertificationInfo
*****
Trauma healing doesn’t have to be a final destination.
But it does have a point where it multiplies.
Exponentially!
And that happens when it begins to flow outward.
When you share.
When you give.
When you contribute.
When you make a difference.
That’s where healing becomes alive.
That’s where fulfillment begins.
That’s where your story takes on purpose beyond you.
And that, my friend …
is where life becomes abundant.
Not because nothing awful, unfair, damaging ever happened…
But because what happened no longer holds you captive.
Trauma no longer owns you!
You’ve turned it into something that gives life.
Take the 7th step.
You’ll NEVER be the same,
nor will those you encounter!