“You know that exercise we did last week … and me narrating the story three times … well … that felt like a ‘dressed rehearsal’ for the life I’ve been longing for!” my client shared with a solid sense of peace, hope, and expectation.
I smiled and affirmed:
“That’s exactly what you were doing. And it’s only the beginning!”
I could see she knew that the “old preprogrammed” version of herself could be replaced by her “carefully designed” desire of who she believed she was created to be.
Isn’t that something we all want?
Isn’t that something we all struggle for?
What we really long for?
However, what we really want is tangled in the sounds of someone else’s voices and someone else’s choices of all our yesterdays.
The truth is … we all have two versions of ourselves:
· The 95% of us, programmed by others (parents, caregivers, coaches, trauma, life, etc.). Basically, that’s who most of us have been.
· The 5% of in us, that carries our hopes, and our dreams. That’s the one we’re becoming.
· The 95% of us holds on to history as evidence for the present. It’s familiar. It’s protective. It’s free of desire to change.
· The 5% of us is ready, willing, and able to free ourselves from past programming, and to carefully design who we desire to become and the life we desire to design.
· The 95% says: “That’s not safe!”
· The 5% says: “Well, it’s not getting me where I want to go … so it’s worth the risk!”
· The 95% says: “Be careful. You’ll probably fail. You’ve failed before.”
· The 5% says: “I might not hit the mark the first time, but I’ll be in a better place than I am now! And I’ll try again!”
“Oh, my goodness, you’ve read my innermost dialogue!” my client confessed.
“You aren’t alone … it’s the theme song of everyone … until they DECIDE and DO!” I proclaimed!
Have you ever been in a place where you’ve said to yourself, “I hear something” only to realize the sound has always been there?
That’s step one to your/my/our rising … to embrace change.
That’s why good intentions for change rarely stick with motivation or positive thinking.
Those are good things.
But it’s a losing argument every time when your truth is to out-think, over-think, or out‑argue what’s rooted in your physical body as evidence.
The 95% of you that’s preprogrammed runs on old evidence.
Here are some examples:
– Ruminating over those who hurt you or rejected you.
– Or how and where you made mistakes.
– Replaying what overwhelmed you.
– To what felt too risky or was too unsafe.
It holds tightly to what’s happened to you.
It literally knows no difference; from who you are to who you long to be.
It’s the only ‘north’ you know. Even though it’s not you true north!
It’s remains as an independent force until you/me/we decide it’s not.
It’s that simple and that complex.
It’s the meticulous record keeper that built your identity out of staying safe. It’s the voices and excuses that keep you in the comfort zones.
It’s the dead-end street of unforgiveness that keeps your scars bleeding.
BUT … The other 5% of you is small but mighty.
It’s the part of you that holds your limitless potential.
It holds the way you want to walk into a room.
The way you find your voice.
Power to speak your truth and lead confidently.
It’s your peace to feel at ease and at home in your own body.
Believe it or not … it’s all in there.
And that’s the point.
Change the way you think … it’ll change what you believe. About yourself. And about what’s possible for you!
You must understand this … because your brain hasn’t felt that future yet, it doesn’t trust it.
So, it keeps rerouting you back toward the old familiar 95%, even when that version no longer fits.
And is no longer working for you (as Dr. Phil would say or ask).
This week I’m giving you a new opportunity to DO!
It goes way beyond good intention, motivation, or positive thinking.
It’s about providing your brain and your body with NEW evidence. Providing proof that the new you, the new life you’re designing is not only possible … it’s happening as you desire for it to!
It’s called “future-self rehearsal!”
1. What is “future-self rehearsal”?
Future‑self rehearsal is the dressed rehearsal of practicing who you desire to become … mentally and emotionally.
Up until now, you’ve played a role in someone else’s production.
Future self-rehearsal is living it internally before it presents itself in the external world.
Rehearsing it as long as is needed, with vivid imaginings … until your brain perceives it as real experience.
It’s not wishing.
Or hoping.
Or daydreaming.
It’s not wishful manifesting.
It’s a bootcamp!
It’s taking charge and training your brain about who you desire to be.
Who you’re determined to become.
It’s neurological training with great deliberation.
What does this do?
It uses the brain’s natural simulation system to influence the new you.
It causes us to look at the new behaviors and to have them feel as normal as the old ones.
Those 95% that are on autopilot.
That pre-programmed loop we’ve been.
When you do this consistently, it transforms the “I hope I can” into …
“This is who I am.”
The science behind it was founded primarily in sports psychology.
Since that time, it’s been used successfully in trauma healing and performance training.
Whether it’s an Olympic gymnast imagining nailing their landing from the beam or a timid singer releasing the power of her voice, the brain doesn’t distinguish between imagined and actual success.
IF … the imagining is vivid enough!
The Blue Angels with their “chair practices in a conference room” proved that their intricate air shows could be perfected with vivid imaginings.
The brain responds to repetition.
“Which is why after doing it here today, I’ll be asking you to repeat it at least twice daily!” I informed my client.
“I know who I want to be,” she responded. Then paused. And finally continued.
“But when I think about it … it gets drowned in the messages about ‘being too big for my britches’ or ‘who do you think you are’?”
I smiled and nodded …
“That’s the part of you that was 95% pre-programmed by someone else telling you to ‘get back in line!’ But the vivid imaginings will silence those voices!”
She smiled and said with a bit of new cheer, “I certainly hope so … they’re pretty loud and pretty convincing!”
“Indeed, they are … and that’s why most people choose to remain inside the comfort zone of allowing that programming to run their lives. Even when it’s not the life they desire, deserve, or love!” I validated.
“Help me understand what it does, and what my part is. I’m ready to get this show on the road!” she committed.
We spend our lives listening and deciding from our internal dialogue.
Anything outside that or that feels like work is justified away.
And that’s what the land-of-settling feels and sounds like.
I hope you’re ready to do whatever it takes.
To design the life you’ve longed for.
It’s available to 100% of us who’ll commit and simply begin to … DO IT!
2. How does this future-self rehearsal work in the brain?
If this whole process seems like “hocus pocus” to you … I understand. When I introduce this to my clients, many feel leery.
And God knows they’re weary … of false hope!
“I’ve learned to trust that when things you lead me through seem uncomfortable to me and outside my comfort zone … it is strategically so,” my client said.
She was correct.
You cannot change your 95% preprogrammed loops inside your comfort zone.
However, this is not “hyped up woo-who stuff.”
There’s solid science behind it.
Let’s take a look at what occurs in your brain when we use future-self rehearsal to let your 5% (unlimited potential) conquer the 95% preprogrammed loops that keep you stuck and longing for more.
Your prefrontal cortex and anterior cingulate act as constant forecasters.
(That’s the parts of your brain that decide all your tomorrows.)
And they’re just about as accurate as weather forecasters.
Sometimes right on, but often dead wrong!
They run thousands of micro‑simulations every second of every day … guessing and predicting what’s about to happen. (Have you ever notice that their predictions are almost always negative? Filled with fear warning and cautions about risk?)
Those parts of your brain ALSO have your reactions and responses (programmed by someone else) loaded … and ready to fire!
(I’m a person of faith. It’s interesting to me that Jesus taught, “Take no thought for tomorrow.” Or in other words, “Be in the moment.” Pre-programming specializes in taking us out the present, which forms everyone’s future, and keeps us searching and settling.)
When you visualize a future event with intentional, vivid detail … those same neural circuits light up as if it’s happening right now.
The prefrontal cortex and anterior cingulate don’t know the difference.
When you rehearse these again and again, with vivid imaginings and visualizations … you teach the 95% a new expected outcome.
Part of the 95% preprogrammed messaging is won over by the 5% as you train your brain to expect something very different.
You begin to feel…
Confidence.
Clarity.
Success.
Instead of re-rehearsing the threat, the worst outcomes, or the failures …
The next time you face a real situation that formerly triggered anxiety, lack of safety or bad outcomes … your body remembers: “We’ve been here before. We’re good!”
That’s when the limbic system in your brain records the new emotional evidence.
The emotional part of your brain (your amygdala and hippocampus) stores experiences according to the intensity in which it was delivered.
(Stop…what’s going off in you right now over all this information? Overwhelm or disbelief or what’s the use or is this true? THAT’S the very thinking you/me/we are called to CHANGE!)
That’s why you can’t just think a minute or two about how you’d like your life to go and expect transformation.
You must do it in living color.
With movement.
With volume.
Repetitively.
If you pair your visualization with genuine emotions (like peace, relief, hope, gratitude) dopamine and serotonin brand it in your brain as a meaningful memory.
Then your brain tucks it away as one of your treasured memories in your “proven successes” folder … even though it hasn’t technically happened yet.
This is the same mechanism professional athletes and Blue Angels leverage before big events.
They rehearse (in vivid imaginings, body movement, and pure emotion) the accomplishment and the emotion of victory.
That lowers stress markers and revs up efficient movement patterns weeks, days, and hours before the competition.
All of that activates the Default Mode Network (DMN).
That’s the part of our brain that becomes active when the brain is at rest.
It’s activated for processes like…
Self-reflection.
Emotional processing.
Social interaction.
Mental exploration.
What does that mean in terms of reprogramming the 95%?
It means it updates your story, your “negative narrative” about your life.
Into what’s possible.
It takes 5% or 10% or 20% (depending on the intensity of your vivid imaginings) from the 95% … and adds it to your 5%!
So that now you have 10% or 15% or 25% of your unlimited potential activated.
And your preprogrammed version gets reduced to 90% or 85% or 75%.
Why is this important?
The brain begins to experience “confident, capable me/you/us” as our new identity.
Not just a wish or a hope.
We’ve known for many years that the force of staying aligned with our identity is one of the strongest forces in shaping who we are. (Even though our identity was formerly embedded in our 95% programming).
This process begins shaping your identity to what you desire it to be.
-To what will call you to the best version of yourself.
-To what will propel you to your cause and purpose.
-To what will create a life you love!
Your “story” evolves, as you create your identity.
Behavior follows beliefs.
Beliefs about who you are and who you were meant to be.
Belief follows experience.
And experience includes what you’ve vividly simulated in your intentional imaginings.
Change the way you think, it WILL change what you believe!
Find what you believe, and you’ll believe in … YOU!
3. Let’s walk through the exercise!
“I’m ready … no matter how far out of my comfort zone it is!” my client proclaimed, obviously fully committed!
I hope you’re ready too.
But remember … reading it will do nothing other than fill your brain full of knowledge … and the 95% will continue to reign and rule.
· Choose a moment from recent times that you wish you had showed up differently.
Any moment.
Maybe in a disagreement with your spouse.
With how you didn’t speak up in a meeting.
Perhaps how you drank too much.
My client chose an argument with her spouse.
He was railing at her about how she handled a situation with her son.
She felt he was berating her and speaking to her in a condescending way. She had felt flooded and asked him to stop.
When he kept speaking to her, she began yelling at him and spewing venom about his lack of empathy for anyone, calling him “cold hearted.”
Then telling him he wouldn’t know compassion if it bit him in the *ss. She was clearly disappointed in how she showed up.
· Prime yourself for safety.
Sit in a comfortable place.
With your feet on the ground.
Start by gently pressing one toe at a time down to the floor on each foot.
Starting with one “little piggy toe” … going all the way to the other “little piggy toe.”
Then start with both little piggy toes pressing both down together.
Continue with matching toes until you get to your big toes.
Then go from both big toes out.
Repeat that sequence 3 times.
(I hear you thinking things like … “This stuff is way too dramatic.” Well…DRAMA got you to where you are and how you think and believe it or not … INTENSITY is the way out.)
Then take in a deep breath slowly through your nose to the count of five. Hold it to the count of 10.
Exhale slowly through your mouth to the count of 15.
Take a few normal breaths.
Then repeat that pattern 3 times.
This activates your vagus nerve.
Which signals your autonomic nervous system that it’s safe to learn.
That there’s no need to defend.
That safety creates neuroplasticity.
Which makes your brain malleable and moldable.
(It’s important to realize that no one’s brain can be rewired when it feels threatened or in danger.)
· Ask yourself when you have felt familiar feelings to those you experienced with the recent moment, when you showed up differently than you wish you had.
My client responded, “There’ve been countless times I’ve felt that feeling. One of the first times I remember feeling it was when my dad was berating me about my grades. He called me a ‘village idiot’ because I’d missed a spelling word. I knew I had to listen until he finished. And that I’d be in serious trouble if I didn’t thank him for it.”
“OUCH” I replied. “That hurt! … How awful for having to thank him for demeaning you!”
· Ask yourself what message you think was branded on you in the experience?
My client shared through her tears.
“I think it taught me that if you want to make an impact on someone’s life … you make them feel small.”
She dropped her head into her hands.
I waited.
“And that’s exactly what I did to my husband. I wanted him to stop … so I said things to make him feel small.”
Tears streamed as she said, “I’m so ashamed. I hated what my dad did to me, but the message was branded. So, I repeat it and didn’t even realize it until this very moment.”
I nodded and affirmed: “That’s because it was branded into that 95% of you that runs your life outside of your awareness.”
· Visualize yourself at that age you’ve remembered the feelings from when you were younger. Imagine you, as the adult you are today, walking up to that younger version of yourself. See yourself squatting or kneeling beside them and then say outloud: “I am you, all grown up now. And I know at that moment that ____(the message you identified above)____ was programmed into you. But I know that’s not who you are!”
My client visualized herself walking up to herself as a six-year-old.
And kneeling lovingly beside her.
She reached for the hand of the little girl and said, “Hey little Amber, I know when your dad said those things to you it really hurt your feelings. Those were mean things to say.”
With great emotion, she continued.
“And I know he programmed the message into you that said: ‘If you want to make an impact, you have to make the other person feel small.’”
I could tell she was getting resolve as she went on.
“That’s not how you wanted to be, and I know it’s not who you are. But if we let that stay programmed in you, you will do that to others. I know you don’t want to do that … so would you like me to help you remove that message?”
She told me the little girl had huge tears rolling down her face as she said, “YES!”
You must visualize these things in vivid detail, and speak the words out loud for your brain to take them in.
· See yourself as an adult stepping into that situation and taking charge. Handling it as a mature adult … with firmness and respect.
She visualized herself stepping into that situation and saying to her dad: “I know you are trying to inspire her to do better in school. But you had no right to call her a ‘village idiot’ … and you berated her. You are teaching her things that will make her like the dysfunctional part of you. I can’t allow you to do that. She is a bright little girl, and you need to learn to inspire her … or leave her alone!”
I asked her what she visualized her dad doing.
She said she saw him shocked.
Ducking his head in shame.
And walking away.
· Now see yourself as a mature adult in the recent moment you identified. Visualize yourself handling that situation with maturity and respect.
My client paused.
After a moment of processing, she said … “When he began what felt like berating me, I see myself saying gently, ‘Hey, I think you might have some valuable feedback, but could you deliver it in a way that I can really hear it’?”
“Then if he continued, I see myself asking for a break until we could talk about it differently.”
Then she added with no prompting from me: “And if I lost my cool and said some things that made him feel small, I would catch myself ASAP and tell him I was acting out old programming. Someone I didn’t want to be. I would sincerely apologize for speaking to him disrespectfully and making him feel small.”
· Identify how it would feel to handle it in that manner.
My client said, “I’d feel so proud of myself. I’d feel like I would no longer allow myself to stoop to such a level. I think I’d feel like I took the high road.”
· Celebrate that version of yourself with loud music and dancing with that younger version of you.
I asked my client to choose an appropriate song for the moment of celebration. She chose Mariah Carey’s song:
I pulled it up on my computer and cranked the music.
I told her to dance her heart out and to see that younger version of herself dancing with her.
You don’t need fancy steps.
You don’t even need rhythm.
JUST DANCE!
Take yourself out of yourself and find yourself!
I always get up and dance with my clients.
If you have someone who will celebrate with you …
ask them to join you for the dancing.
The dancing and the music are critical.
The more intensity you do it with … the greater percentage of what is in your 95% that will be rewired.
Practice these steps above again and again!
After the celebration, my client said, “I have no idea what just happened in me. But something clicked. Something changed.”
I smiled as I commented, “We call that rewiring. Transformational rewiring!”
You can do it too!
Only if you stop letting that internal dialogue decide for you.
I know this is hard to do things that seem “weird” or “hokey” …
But if you’re stuck on ‘being cool’ and this ain’t it?
You’ll be stuck with what ‘looking cool’ has gotten you … NOTHING!
The more you do it, the more transformation you’ll experience!
· Anchor it deeply with your personally chosen words of empowering affirmation.
My client chose:
“This is ME!
This is WHO I am!
And the best is yet to come!”
-Put your hand over your heart and say it out loud at least 3 times.
-Put your hands on your head and say it out loud at least 3 times.
-Stretch your arms out to the world and say it out loud at least 3 times.
*****
What I’ve shared with you is how you can teach the old 95% programming that new changes are not dangerous.
They are powerful.
Remember … your brain’s first loyalty is not to growth; it’s to comfort.
Familiar stress…
Fear…
Reactions…
Feel safer than unfamiliar freedom.
That’s just the truth of our biology.
But it doesn’t mean you have failed.
Future‑self rehearsal knocks that old biology back.
And moves us toward growth and expansion.
It invites your nervous system to experience safety with success.
Also remember … this work isn’t about forcing a transformation.
It’s about making your future feel familiar enough that your body gives up resisting it.
Once the 95% of you that was pre-programmed recognizes your leveling up as “home” … doing so no longer requires courage.
It just feels natural.
That’s the ultimate rewiring: when your memories of the future become stronger than your memories of the past.
When your brain starts expecting the life you…
Desire…
Deserve…
And love…
The rest of you takes over … and redesigns that life you’ve longed for!
“Truly I tell you, if anyone says to their mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they SAY will happen, it will be done for them.”
Jesus